Sadness Through The Sunshine

I lost a friend this weekend. His name was Bubby. He was a dog we adopted as a stray...and h did his best to be a good dog but unfortunately
because of reasons beyond our control he was not to be trusted. I lost a friend...and I'm not sure that I am okay. I understand why this had to happen,
I understand that this was not his fault nor ours...but I can't help but to see the gruesome scene over and over in my mind. It has changed me...and I have
yet to determine if it has changed me for the better or the worse. I feel a lot of guilt, a lot of anger and more than anything--remorse.

It happened on a beautiful Saturday morning, the morning of my brothers surprise engagement party. The sadness shot through the clouds faster than my mind
could grasp what was actually happening. The next thing I know my protective friend, my south side baby was gone. Minuet es after that..the man that I needed
to make it better was on his way to a guys event and I was left alone with the sadness and guilt.

Call it PMS, call it a "female" thing..but the emotions I am feeling are not placing right with my heart. That choking feeling in your throat, the pit in
your stomach...it's all there. Tears well up in my eyes randomly as my over imaginative mind keeps rewinding the incident. The worst part? It wasn't my
imagination.

I'm missing my Joey more and more every hour. He is still living at my duplex with Krista and the boys. I want Joe with me more than anything...the only
hitch is trying to convince my man. It's hard for someone to understand the relationship i have with a CAT. When I lost everything, when no one was there,
a little cat sat at the doorstep waiting for my arrival. When the nights were long and the tears wouldn't stop..my little cat would cuddle and purr
making it merely impossible to be upset. I have a responsibility, I promised him when I received him that I would take care of him forever.

How am I supposed to let go of my best friend?

The sun is shining...it's yet another beautiful day. I am having a hard time finding the flowers this week. I'm strong, but not all the way through.
I find it really hard to express my feelings verbally, thus the reason I have been doing so through the computer. I feel the need to share it with
whomever feels obligated to read it..simply because you never know who it may help.

I love reading messages from all of you who laugh at what I say or find some sort of entertainment in it...it makes me happy to make you happy.

Help me find the flowers this week...if you see any, let me know. Better yet, call my man and make him pick them for me...his support is all that I feel
I am honestly missing at the moment..and if there is anyone that can make it better, it's him.