Say Something They Might Attack You For

When I grow up I wanna have boobies.

2008-08-27T12:53:00.002-04:00

Sitting at my desk. Wednesday. "Hump-day" as they say has proved to be just another day stuck in my what could be boring routine. It's been awhile since I've written anything...simply because I have had a hard enough time trying to sort my thoughts out on my own..let alone sort them censored enough for others to read. Lets backtrack....

Mike's birthday popped up recently. We went out with his mom, stepdad, grandpa & his girl. It was a blast. We went out to eat then went to the Eagles where we then played wii, pool and drank Manhattans with Grandpa. GRANDPA GOT SMASHED. Which was beautiful.. and Mike was all smiles. It was a great night. We had a party the next day @ the house... a few close friends (about 50) stopped out to see him. That too was a fun time.

MIS. Went to MIS with my parents. Drank too much...got dehydrated and paid for it for nearly a week. Stupid. But it was overall fun too :) I'm glad he gets alone go well with my family...although it is a little nerve racking having my parents actually LIKE the guy I'm with...normally they don't fit in.

Mike and I have had our struggles....mostly stemming from our baggage that our past relationships had left us with...At this point.. I've come to reaslise that I'm happy. He makes me happy...I'm happy with him, without him, at work.... I'm just plain happy. (Can't say the same when I am PMSing because this cheap ass B.C. I am on is throwing my hormones out of control!) It's exspecially hard to learn to submit to him... and I'm slowly...slllllooowwwwllllyyyyy learning. It's nice to have a man actually act like a MAN though. I love him. I'm IN love with him..and so far.saying yes to our first date has paid off dramatically. I have had amazing time with him.. I'm to the point now where all I really want is memories with HIM.. we have so many with other people..and we are always running around. He and I are both social butterflies...which makes spending alone time hard. I'm planning a little get-a-way for next month though.. just something small. Hocking Hills I think.

Mandy 9one of my closest girl friends) is HAVING A BABY! AHHH, I am so happy for her. I can't wait. My brother got MARRIED! I am also SOOoo happy for them. I have a new sister! WooO!

Ew, I hate olives... and yet EVERYTIME i go to Subway I put them on there.. WHY?!

He made my dreams come true...

2008-08-12T12:13:00.002-04:00

I have been struggling. I've been living with my boyfriend Mike and I absolutely LOVE it. . . the only issue has been that I have a cat named Joe. He's two..he's the only thing I still have that has made it through my past. He is my pride and joy and continuously makes me happy. I love him so much...my little man...always waiting by the door, meowing obnoxiously...and I miss him horribly. For the longest time Mike said no. No Joe. How can I live without Joe? Get rid of him? HELL NO! So... I started looking for apartments for Joe and I--not that I wanted to move out but because I felt I had a responsibility. I promised this small being a lifetime of happiness and security. THANKFULLY two days ago Mike finally said Joe could come live with us! Mike made it very clear that he did not want me to move out and now he has shown me that he is willing to compromise to make me happy. I'm ecstatic that the man I love finally shows me he really does care about my happiness. Mike has made me so happy over the past 6 months, and now I am at the pinnacle of happiness because I get to have two things I love under one roof! Thank you Mike...THANK YOU for not making me choose between two beings I love. I'm so happy. So happy.

Do you think your wasting your time on the person you like?
No, not in the slightest. Time is never wasted if you are having fun & Mike continues to fill my life with joy. Through the hard times, the good times..he's still there..proving my time with him is anything but a waste.

Can you fill this out without lying
Possibly. I lie sometimes... never a LIE LIE but a white lie never hurt.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A cheez-it.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
Ew. Even if I did I would never admit it..that name bothers me to some extent.

Where was your default picture taken?
In the car.

Can you live a day without TV?
I live everyday without T.V. or Cable.

What are you listening to?
The war efforts between Russia and Georgia.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Giving your love to one person is the greatest feeling. The hardest thing to do is love and learn to be loved in return.

What are you wearing?
A business outfit..Bown Pants, Gold Shoes.. Tan shirt with plaid vest and pearls.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Somewhere warm, alone with my man.

Is anything bothering you right now?
My eyeballs. I have an appt at 1:45 to figure out why I look coked out everyday.

Items could you not go without during the day?
Cell phone, Pictures of my loved ones and recently coffeeeeeeeeee

Do you hate anyone?
Very few. Really only crazy bitches trying to come between my man and I.

Have you ever told someone you loved them & didn't mean it?
No. I would never do that to someone. I have however loved someone and regretted it whole heartedly.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
horribly

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Mikes mom Darlene.

If your being extremely quiet what's it mean?
I'm dead or you really hurt my feelings and I can't say anything without crying.

Have you ever kissed someone & never saw them again?
haha Well who hasnt?

How are you feeling right now?
Jacked up on caffeine.

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
V for vendetta. I don't really feel I need revenge on anyone...What comes around, goes around.

Last argument?
Not with Krista but AT her about respect and my previous roommates needing to learn the definition.

Have you ever stripped for money?
No. And shut the hell up, go-go dancing doesn't count.

What are you doing on Saturday?
Working a promotion for work then heading out to MIS for some quality redneck fun with the famdamnly.

Excited about anything?
FRIDAY! PAYYYYYDAAAAYYYYYY! I'm going to do a dance, a long, happy dance..then go eat crab legs and thank the lord for giving me the privilege of doing so.

What's a happy time you've had in the past week?
Yesterday when Mike surprised me with batman tickets and a nice ride of Jackie Black. Tops that? Mike saying Joe can live with us. My family will be complete!

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
Krista. Through the shit...she knows everything good bad and in between about me.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. God has a divine plan and although it may be hard to understand at times...everything will be ok.

if you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
Haha..good one! Haters and their computers and stupid myspace stalkers.

Are you a morning person or a night?
Well I have been forced to be a morning person but I can party all night long!

Are you there for your friends?
No. I've learned that there is no sense being there for someone who will not be there for you. I'm there for my FAMLY and for the friends that qualify as family.

Are you a forgiving person?
I try to be but I can hold a grudge with the best of them.

Are you a jealous person?
I can be. Not normally...but when threatened that emotion sometimes comes off as jealousy.

Do you wish someone would call you?
I wish Mike would call me throughout the day.

What's annoying you right now?
This damn talk radio being played next to me.

How many TRUE friends do you have?
4. Krista, Rob and Mike and Carli.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Not if I am PMSing...otherwise I can bite the bullet and explode 4 months later lol.

If someone likes you would you want them to tell you?
Nope. I have a man, I don't need two.

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Only big ones.

Who made your day today?
Mike with his groggy morning antics. I love waking up next to him.

"Half the time the world is ending, truth is I'm done pretending".

2008-08-05T11:36:00.001-04:00

Once again it's your typical Tuesday and I am sitting at my desk forcefully trying to enjoy a garlic bagel from Barry Bagels. God, I am so sick of bagels. I got to see Pineapple Express last night which was HILARIOUS! It was nice to laugh at other peoples stupidity rather than my own.

Today is another day. Words are not coming to me as easily as they normally do. I'm feeling rather internal which is somewhat awkward for me. I think it is because there is a lot of unspoken feelings floating around inside of me. I'm not sure what it is that I am looking for at the moment...
This post is seeming more and more like a waste of time the longer I sit and stare at this blinding screen.

My cubical. It is covered in pictures of me and my friends as well as multiple pictures of my man, Mike. My desk has turned into some sort of safe haven, a home if you will. The only true space I have to decorate and do what I please. I am feeling the draw of artistic expression puling at me once again and feel lost in the space that is not my own.

Krista's calling...I'm going to go chat for a while. Maybe I will continue this nonsense later.

Sadness Through The Sunshine

2008-08-04T10:15:00.001-04:00

I lost a friend this weekend. His name was Bubby. He was a dog we adopted as a stray...and h did his best to be a good dog but unfortunately
because of reasons beyond our control he was not to be trusted. I lost a friend...and I'm not sure that I am okay. I understand why this had to happen,
I understand that this was not his fault nor ours...but I can't help but to see the gruesome scene over and over in my mind. It has changed me...and I have
yet to determine if it has changed me for the better or the worse. I feel a lot of guilt, a lot of anger and more than anything--remorse.

It happened on a beautiful Saturday morning, the morning of my brothers surprise engagement party. The sadness shot through the clouds faster than my mind
could grasp what was actually happening. The next thing I know my protective friend, my south side baby was gone. Minuet es after that..the man that I needed
to make it better was on his way to a guys event and I was left alone with the sadness and guilt.

Call it PMS, call it a "female" thing..but the emotions I am feeling are not placing right with my heart. That choking feeling in your throat, the pit in
your stomach...it's all there. Tears well up in my eyes randomly as my over imaginative mind keeps rewinding the incident. The worst part? It wasn't my
imagination.

I'm missing my Joey more and more every hour. He is still living at my duplex with Krista and the boys. I want Joe with me more than anything...the only
hitch is trying to convince my man. It's hard for someone to understand the relationship i have with a CAT. When I lost everything, when no one was there,
a little cat sat at the doorstep waiting for my arrival. When the nights were long and the tears wouldn't stop..my little cat would cuddle and purr
making it merely impossible to be upset. I have a responsibility, I promised him when I received him that I would take care of him forever.

How am I supposed to let go of my best friend?

The sun is shining...it's yet another beautiful day. I am having a hard time finding the flowers this week. I'm strong, but not all the way through.
I find it really hard to express my feelings verbally, thus the reason I have been doing so through the computer. I feel the need to share it with
whomever feels obligated to read it..simply because you never know who it may help.

I love reading messages from all of you who laugh at what I say or find some sort of entertainment in it...it makes me happy to make you happy.

Help me find the flowers this week...if you see any, let me know. Better yet, call my man and make him pick them for me...his support is all that I feel
I am honestly missing at the moment..and if there is anyone that can make it better, it's him.

Keeps going..and going...and going...

2008-08-01T12:07:00.000-04:00

As I sit in my corner cubical enjoying my pirogies I feverishly microwaved for lunch, I've come to realize that TIME IS NOT SLOWING DOWN. Why is it that humans have to abide by the concept of time? That we are sent to "time managment" classes where they teach you how to put your compulsiveness down on paper. As if I didn't have enough lists and personal notes..now I have lists and notes to remind me to look at the latter lists and notes. Me writing all of these appointments down in my planner certainly does HELP y time managment crisis.. but what if you are a child of ADD and you simply can't STOP moving, thinking and trying to be productive. Organizing my tasks takes me just as much time as actually completing them...In fact, I am so "task driven" that I forget to do simple things.. like EAT and SLEEP. Hell, I figure when I am dead I will have plenty of time to rest.

My biggest challenge in life has always been stopping to smell the roses. After the past year of changes I have done nothing BUT smell the flowers. Getting back to the grind has been both exciting and exhausting..but oh how good it smells. My summer has been filled with adventure, love and experience. I have established a new sense of self & realized that easy really does not enter into adulthood. I can say that this has been the best summer to date. Maybe it's because I am madly in love with a real MAN. (The definition of MAN according to dictionary.com is in fact a long one. 26 definitions is what I got when I searched. The best? 9. a male having qualities considered typical of men or appropriately masculine: Be a man. The army will make a man of you. and yet an even better definition:21.to furnish with men, as for service or defense.) The term MAN has been loosely used and forgotten over the years. I remember when a Man was a father who took care of his children, a husband who loved and cherished his wife, a son who helps his father up the stairs, a SOLDIER willing to die for selfless reasons and just willing to server for the greater good. Now-a-days a man is considered a male over the age of 18. THIS makes me laugh..for I have known many a man referred to as a MAN and have yet to prove such a definition to be true. My man on the other hand does just as my definitions explain. He is a man of honor, of truth and strength. I completely adore him in every way and gladly consider (notice I say consider because I am as stubborn as a mule) his guidance daily. I don't idolize him as often as I should, I only hope he believes how truly irreplaceable he is.

The definition of a woman has also been abused over the years. A larger part of my childhood goes out to my grandparents. My grandmother (Mimi) is from the south and raised me to treat a man with respect. The ladies of my generation do not know or even comprehend the term RESPECT...it too has been lost over time. I on the other hand know what it means to be a woman. Don't get me wrong, I am still a little girl when you pull on my heart strings..but I do know what is requested of me and I do know how to treat a man. Mimi and I used to sit up and wait for my grandfather (Papa) to come home. He would come home late at night having to drive home from Tiffin all the time. We would eat our dinner at the usual time but stay awake until he came through that door and then sit at the table while he ate. Why? That is what the real Women of time did. Dinner on the table, house clean, laundry done. We would entertain Papa as he ate (although I'm sure he would have enjoyed his food in peace even more) and then all head off to bed together or...give our goodnight kisses and be on our way. I owe a large part of who I am to my grandparents, especially my Mimi.

I stand behind my man because I know my role. The same reason I would NOT vote for a female president is the same reason I have no hesitations walking next to or standing behind my other. How can a female say she wouldn't vote for another female as president? Because I'm not effing stupid! I know what PMS and hormonal imbalances do to our fragile female minds. I know the crazy thought processes we go through on a daily basis and I honestly do not feel SAFE taking a womans guidance over a mans (When it comes to leading the country of course). I am a subspecies of man and have every right to my opinion. God made the MAN head of the household for a reason. Now...I don't want to sound like a she-man woman hater so... I admire women because of their strength, compassion and ability to hold families together. If it were not for the beautiful ladies in the world.. it would be an even dirtier, crueler place. This does not include you tramps sleeping with every bar rat you can find and popping out children before you know how to spell MATURITY. Time to grow up ladies. We have enough stupid people in the world...so if you are not stable and can't turn on the over to cook a fully nutritional meal do us all a service and stop producing kids.

If i were president... I would make everyone pass the ACTs. Hell, if you can't pass it and a high schooler can..we don't need you in this damn country eating up our economy. Also.. I would go against my Christian beliefs and order every female under the age of 20 (including newborns) to have the MFing tubes tied! Start limiting the number of stupid people reproducing. If you have not notice America is by far wayyyyyy behind in EVERYTHING including smarts. I know it all sounds horrible..but really if we did as Colbert says and considered America one big open window...shooting those who trust pass.. we'd have a hell of a lot better country & way more scholarship and grant opportunities for the AMERICAN PEOPLE.

But hey, I'm entitled to my opinion right? It's not like I am even close to be smart enough to do anything about it.. but I can kick and scream as much as I'd like. My faith in mankind is diminishing but by the time it gets bad enough I'll be shacked up in some house in the mountains with AK47s strapped onto my back dropping grenades on you people trying to barge into my home to enforce one world order. Then the whole world will go to hell.

See that A.D.D. kick in? A brief outline of this blog : Time, Man, Women, One World Order, Rambling.

Ha. Take notes, I'm sure I will entertain you daily. Multiple times daily.

I live in America, I am American.
(and a member of the NRA since I was 10. How ya like those odds?)

Mwah. Pirogies are terribly cold now.

Introduction & Final Farewell

2008-08-01T10:04:00.000-04:00

A brilliant mind recently reminded me that my eccentric thoughts should be documented. I decided to write and introduction and closing simply because I'm starting to write once again..and I feel that an introduction to the new me should be made. The final farewell is exactly that..if I die or give up on jotting the madness in my mind down... you will know exactly what I would want my goodbye to be. So, enjoy the "closed chapters" of my life as well as the attention deficit disorder I carry as a burden on my back daily. You will soon realise that it is merely impossible for me to stay on one thing at a time. I am meant to move, a busy-body if you will.

INTRODUCTION
What a better way to describe this than a song. Music has always been the theme of my life. It narrates my thoughts, emotions and circumstances on a daily basis.

"What I've Done"
(L.P.)
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

What I have become is a product of my environment. I have manipulated myself into nothing but what I have always been..now, have I always been myself? No. I learned my lesson. Now..like it or not you will get the stubborn, obnoxious, empathetic, outgoing, selfless Sarah that you deserve. I will no longer hold my breath. I will continue to bend over backwards for fools, I will continue putting my faith in those who never succeed to meet my standards of a good human being & I will continue to give those who don't deserve it..the benefit of the doubt.

I was put on this great earth by the Lord himself. I was put here to take care of those who need it & love those who want it. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, the biggest one has finally deleted itself from my memory and I have forgiven myself for wasting such valuable time on such invaluable people.

My life now is what I have made it.
My life now is beautiful.
My life now is happy.
My life now is me.
My life is now.

My Farewell
I always tell people, "if i peace out early.. I had fun, I've loved my life".
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Friends & Family Forever

Death Before Dishonor